Guest Post: A Life Verse From a Lady-In-Waiting

A Life Verse from a Lady-in-Waiting

By Sherri Stewart

Do you have a life verse? If so, who gave it you? I have a life verse, but I’ve owned it for so long, I can’t remember where I got it—maybe it was given to me at my baptism or perhaps at a ladies conference. What I do know is I have a great verse: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5,6).

The next question that comes to my mind is—if someone gave me that verse, how did they choose it? I would like to believe that a gifted pastor was prompted by the Holy Spirit to give me that verse. Or maybe there are certain Bible verses that are so full of wisdom that they lend themselves to becoming life verses, and everyone gets great ones.

Whatever the case, I love my verse. There is nothing I want to do more than trust the Lord with all my heart. Sometimes, God puts us in situations where all we can do is trust Him. For me, I had just passed the bar exam and was looking forward to spending the summer finding the perfect job with an immigration law firm. I had dreams of fighting for the rights of the immigrant and the oppressed. Instead, in a matter of a few months, my husband lost his job, I had knee surgery, we lost our home and our savings, my husband lost part of his foot, and our dog died. Call me Job. Not the best summer. I had to put my law career on hold and find a job to support the family. We moved in with my son in his one-bedroom apartment. The only bathroom was in his bedroom. Can you imagine?

Yet I wouldn’t change a thing. God has made the Bible come alive since our lives turned upside down. I find myself memorizing Scriptures without any effort at all, and singing verses back to Him as I walk around the lake near our apartment. I have memorized so many verses, my melodious repertoire continues until I arrive at my door. I do my best to keep it down when neighbors walk past.

Most of the verses have to do with waiting. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13). In days of old no one has heard, no one has listened, no eyes have seen, any God except You, my Lord, who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him. (Isa. 64:4).

 I am a lady-in-waiting.

The problem with my life verse is my tendency to overlook the second part of the verse-Lean not on your own understanding. In fact, I have a feeling if I could just stop leaning on myself and lean the other way, I’d learn the lessons that God has for me. Instead, I feel sorry for myself or worse, try to solve my problems.

Maybe that’s why I was given that particular verse. God knew that my type-A personality would get in the way of my progress on that straight path He promised me. God has given us so many fine examples of people who have leaned well. Mary, at fourteen years old, didn’t question the message the angel brought her. Gideon, buoyed up by the fleece, didn’t fall apart when his troops were whittled from thousands to hundreds. And who could imagine going through labor at Sarah’s age?

My advice to the unversed: Ask God for a life verse. And when you have one, wonder why that particular verse was chosen for you.

Why Are You Still Single .......

Have you ever stopped yourself from doing something just because it was the next step?

Yeah, me either! 

In my early twenties, I married a man because I thought it was the next logical step in the progression of our relationship. Neither of us had any idea what we were in for. The first year was easy enough, but it was the next five years that would be the fracturing of brittle bones that broke our marriage. We made it six years, seven if you count the additional year it took to finalize the details of our divorce. Over the following five and a half  years, I would enter into and out of four more relationships. Two of those relationships were serious-ish, one was fun while it lasted, and the fourth was something that I thought would surely kill me when it came crashing down around me. 

Who cares about my relationship history, everyone has one right?!?! That was my thought as well until I sat down and started painting my nails tonight. I started thinking about the trail of wreckage that I've oh so cleverly tried to tell myself were years of character building experiences.

The truth however is much uglier than that simple idea. If I'm being honest, every single relationship I have been in was doomed from the beginning because of dishonesty, insecurity, and selfishness. I've sold myself short, built my expectations unreasonably high, withheld affection,  and waged emotional war. I have tossed aside my feelings because being close to someone scared me straight out of my skin, given my time to a man who was never going to be serious about me, and wrecked my heart because I wanted to be the one who healed his broken heart.

I've been asked a lot recently why I'm not actively dating anyone and the answer is very simple; I need some time to get my head and my heart on the same page, I need to apologize to people that I've hurt. I am allowing the dark broken places in my life to be brought to light so that I can heal and not feel like i'm always going to have to protect myself against the next storm. I am covered in a personal history that tells me to jump into the next thing, but I'm choosing to turn in the direction of doing the hard thing that will make me a better woman in the long run. If my being single for a season leads to forgiveness and healing, I would say that i'm setting myself on solid ground for any future relationship.

So ......  i'm taking an undetermined amount of time off from dating. I'm going to enjoy being single and maybe somewhere down the line, i'll stumble into a future that holds so much promise I won't be able to avoid it.

Until next time,

Guest Post: Miss. K

When Sam asked me to write something for her blog, my immediate reaction was ‘sure’. I had no idea what I was supposed to write about, but she gave me the simple instructions of ‘personal experience’. I figured I have plenty of those stories, so this should be fairly simple. It had been a little while since I’d been on her blog though, so I went to brush up on my audience. I think I made it through three entries before I realized that this was not going to be so simple. In fact, this was going to be tricky. Our views are on opposite ends of the spectrum on just about everything. In addition to that, we both believe very much in what we believe in. 

I’ve known Sam for several years now, probably somewhere in the ball park of 7 years. It’s really quite surprising that I didn’t realize the stark contrasts of our opinions before now. But in all actuality, we’ve only recently became that kind of close. Still, you’d think those opinions would’ve shown themselves; after all, we’re both pretty vocal as well. 

Then I figured it out. Sometimes you meet people that are just those kinds of friends. You know: the ones that love you from someplace deep inside themselves and project that into that same place deep inside of you, the ones that you can say anything to because the only thing they require of you is that you are yourself, the ones that make your world better without ever realizing they’ve done a thing. These friends are rare and few and grossly under appreciated. 

I remember years ago telling my best friend one night that I only kept the incredible. All others need not apply. But then I lost that somewhere because I started having those temporary friends. The ones that are real at the time, and get you through some tough stuff, but they don’t want to last. But because they fill time, we lose sight of the ones that are, in fact, incredible. 

I’m more than blessed to be able to say that I have several of these people in my life and all of them graciously opened their arms for me to return, showing me that their hearts never closed. And they’ve taught me the kind of friend that I need to be. I need to be open, forgiving, thankful. I need to give my love easily and without reservation or condition. I need to share their heartbreaks with them, and my smiles. I need to make time in the midst of what I think is busy. I need to be the friend that I’m so, so lucky they are. 

When I started writing this, I had no idea where I was going. And I’m still not sure there’s 100% a point. I began hoping to inspire people to be thankful, but instead, I’ve made a new commitment just to try to give back to my friends even 1/10^th of the wonderfulness they’ve given me. Open heart. Open mind.

The Truth Is ....

I let you sink into my veins and I feel the pain as if it were fresh tonight. I've tried everything I can think of to drown you out, but your voice lingers in a place that is deep and unextinguishable. You were the most foul love I've ever been in and yet you hang over me offering a blade that I can't resist.

The thrill I got everytime my name was whispered, the pain that engulfed my soul with every lie that was sold to my heart, they were all the same sensation when I realized that I was bleeding out from the cuts that were being made. The weight that burdens my heart tonight is of the memory of that searing pain. I am pressing into the memory looking for a glimpse of something beautiful, something that will allow me to find healing for this wound. The refuge I thought I was resting in, opened up and swallowed me without so much as a warning sounding out. I couldn't run, couldn't defend myself, couldn't try to find shelter from the storm that was circling around me. The crushing blow turned out not to be the ending of what was once the most beautiful masterpiece of perfectly spun manipulation, but the waves beating the battle worn woman left standing on it's shore.

I am a broken and fragile shell of a woman, surrenderd to the desolation and sadness that holds my head in line with the place the sun used to rise.The drops in the ocean could be counted before I could forget wounds so deep that broken bones cry out for mercy. Sadness seeps in when I least expect it, sadness that suffocates the happiness I am just starting to feel. My body aches to feel alive, and yet it's stifeled by the memory of a time when intemacy was a call to action instead of the reason to hide until the threat of destruction has passed.

Confusion washes over me as if I am expecting something to be different after the time that has passed. I couldn't change any part of this story even though I am desperate to find the ending different somehow. I'm still caught in the net that was cast to catch me, thrashing against the rough hands that hold me in this place against my will. I thought that eventually the sun would come and that I would run to and embrace the warmth on my face, but instead what i've found is bitterly cold darkness in the place that I was promised would always be filled with love and protection.

I surrender to the pain, to the lies, to the heartbreak that has come once again with gale force winds. I've waived the final white flag and in slow motion replay the nights filled with terror and the pleas for something to change, looking for clues to change this story as it unfolds. All there is to be found is nothingness. Ruts that are deeper because of my willingness to replay events over and over again, searching for something that i've missed. Hollow is the word that has replaced hope, dread has taken over the space once occupied by joy, and life changing love no longer exsists as anything outside of a fairytale.

#OneLittleWord2015

ENDURANCE :
noun:
* The Ability to do something difficult for a long time
* The ability to deal with pain or suffering that continues for a long time
* The quality of continuing for a long time

Syn: abidance, ceaselessness, continuance, continuity, continuousness, durability, duration, continuation, persistence, subsistence.

Atm: cessation, close, discontinuance, discontinuity, end, ending, expiration, finish, stoppage, surcease, termination.


I decided at the beginnning of 2015 to pursue God and find out what word or phrase He might have for me this year. #OneLittleWord2015

I started praying, and really seeking God, asking Him what it was that he wanted me to focus on this year. After a few days, God revealed the word Endurance to me. At first, I thought that he was asking me to keep walking down the path that I've was currently on, but with the recent changes in my life, I knew that just couldn't be right. So i continued to pray, and ask God to clarify what it was that He was asking of me, so that I would be able to completly immerse myself in whatever it was that He was trying to teach me.

A few days of some pretty intense prayer, the conclusion that I came to, wasn't that God was asking me to continue walking the same path, but that He was asking me to be willing to trust him enough to endure whatever happens from here.

If you've learned anything about me thus far, it should be crystal clear that I have a major issue with trust. I've never really been able to trust anyone to the full extent, and certainly not men at any level.

After a failed marriage, several rather epicly disasterous relationships, and a torrentialy devestating on slaught of tears poured out over the years, I had thrown in the preverbial trust towel. I mean... if I couldn't trust those who said I love you, then who could I?

Fast forward to 2015... and you will find a Samantha who trusts God so much that my answer was yes Lord... lead me and I will follow you.

What i've seen up to this point, is that God has a plan and His plan is infinetly better then even my most elaborate creation. God has asked me to be willing to trust him enough to endure whatever Alice In Wonderlandesque, Big girl... small door.. no magic potion in site situation he has planned for me.

The next big adventure will come with it's hills and valley's, I'm going to get winded and want to quit, but I am trusting that as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, God will show up every step of the way.

Guest Post - Typhoon P

Have you ever seen the video of a typhoon? I mean it, have you ever watched some idiots youtube video or vine of a typhoon? This thing, first of all they spin the opposite direction of a hurricane, counter clockwise, they generally develop over warm water, and are the "big momma" storms. Typhoons take out everything in their path. That's me. I'm a complete force of nature, if I am angered or provoked in your world, I will destroy it. Only, instead of doing harm to the world around me, I end up just wrecking myself. I came to be and three years later the waves have not subsided and I am still holding on for dear life.

I'm going somewhere with this, I promise.

It's 2011 and I am in love with a man from Australia. We'll call him "Irwin". The only problem is I'm married, and not to Irwin. I'm married to, we'll call him "Neil", a man a teeny little bit older than me. Overbearing mother, catastrophe of a sister and brother, Dad as sweet as a Georgia peach. This is my problem. I am miserable. MISERABLE. My life is the worst life possible, I feel unappreciated, unloved, unwanted and unnecessary to my husband. This Australian is the end all be all, the Alpha and Omega, A to Z, everything. I leave my husband. My security, by budgeter, my personal accountant. I have not paid my own bills in years. I cannot remember how to write a check. But this is a "solid decision." I don't regret leaving "Neil" because I didn't love him. I regret leaving "Neil" because I am a baby bird, barely able to fly, and it's my own dumb idea to leap out of the nest.

Can I just say? I broke my face.

I move into a studio apartment with my best friend, and it's amazing. We live across the street from a bar that I can honestly say got more of my money than Ameren UE ever has. I can stumble home with not a worry in the world! Fast forward three years later. I am filing bankruptcy. I have 30 missed calls a day from collectors. I am living in said best friend's mother's basement. I am a complete and utter failure.

Before I forget the Australian was a complete arse. He had a girlfriend the whole time, he was a catfish. I was robbed of my Thunder from Down Under!

What I've learned the hard way these three years is that you have no idea of what you want until you learn by actually having it. Think about it. How do you know you don't like brussels sprouts? You try them and they feel like tiny soggy cabbages in your mouth. That's disgusting! But you had to try it first, didn't you? How did I learn I wanted a MAN and not a submissive male? I had to have one first. I need a man who will put my butt in a chair and tell me "This is how this is going to work." I want a man who will surprise me, who will propose because it's his idea and not because I told him to. (Yes that actually happened. My proposal from "Neil" is the saddest story you've ever heard.) 

My point is: sometimes you have to learn the hard way. Sometimes the best intentions are rooted on the worst educated guesses. I loved being married. I didn't like being married to him. Here I thought I was done looking. I've been looking since I was a teenager, I'm exhausted. Dear God just drop him at my feet? My best friend says "Dear God, just knock me on my butt and let him be the one that picks me up in front of the cab." Please let me find a man that loves me, that doesn't find me disgusting while my breasts are still above my waistline. That's not too much to ask!

I've learned in my years (and years and YEARS) of solidarity that I want passion and romance. I want surprises. I want effort. Where I'm foggy is age. I'm torn looking at online dating profiles and I find myself asking "Is this too old?" "Is this too young?" "Is this guy being agnostic a deal breaker?" "Is a man with kids out of the question?" Let me just tell you, the peanut gallery has answered resounding "YES!"I have to know what I want before I can go looking for it. 

Do I want to be a mother? Yes.

Do I want to be in a Christian relationship? Yes!

Do I want to be loved by my man the way Jesus loved the church? Absolutely!

Do I want to be the girl that waits to sleep with her man until her wedding night? Yes.

Do I think I'll actually succeed? ERPDERP I hope so. 

I finally have a grasp on what it is I want. Now I just have to get my fickle heart and hormones to stay on track with my brain. I know what I need. I just have to stay off the side streets.

If it doesn't fit in my plan, it needs to go. I have hit the "Erase all Content and Settings" button and I need to not look back. Factory data reset commence, let's try this again. Now, I know what caused all the viruses and pop ups, let's not download that crap again. K? K. #FreshStart #NerdGirl

-P

Misery Loves Company....

Let's be honest, we all have that one person (or in some cases, a whole flock of people) who have nothing better to do with themselves then to be miserable.

Why do we stay in relationships of any kind with those types of people? What is that we get out of staying friends for years on end with the woman who goes out of her way to complain about life, or the man that makes a point to tell you how terrible he is doing and how awful you should feel for him? In my personal experience, I only walk away feeling exhausted and empty of any happiness that was there before.

As a woman, I've noticed my tendency to empathize with people, no matter the level of honesty or lack thereof  in their emotions. If a friend says that they are having a hard time, it's our natural reaction to want to help carry their burden. What is not natural, is the propensity to lean into the burden so much, that it becomes as if the burden was originally ours to start off with.  Seriously what is that about anyway?

When did we stop giving ourselves the space and distance to be happy? Choosing to be happy sometimes can be difficult. Especially when the society we live in tells us that we are not good enough and that in order to be acceptable, we should be better, thinner, prettier, and wealthier. NEWS FLASH.... I'm pretty awesome just the way I am. Maybe my hair isn't as thick as it used to be, and my tennis game is a little less fantastic, but that makes me no less valuable as a woman or person.

I would like to believe that misery needs to have it's own island, where people who want to feel bad for themselves can go live with their own kind. Does that make me a terrible woman, friend, and person? Maybe, but I'm alright with that.  What I do know, is that I am no longer willing to be in any kind of relationship with the person who is miserable.

I'm over being the person that carries the suitcase full of various peoples miseries. I will no longer participate in emotional sabotage sessions, comparrisons of troubled waters, or group misery sharing. I will not let friends or family steal my happiness only to be replaced with feelings of being overly harsh and unsympathetic.

Life is to short to be miserable. Love yourself, and others will follow suit!

Calling All Girlfriends .........

I overheard two ladies talking about a mutual friend while sipping their coffee and everything that they said about their missing girlfriend was awful. My heart sank, and I wanted to walk over to them and ask them why they were talking about her that way, but I didn't. Instead I ordered my coffee, and went on with my day, but that conversation lingered in my ears.

Ladies... When did it become acceptable to tear other women down instead of building them up?

Let me just be the first to say that I'm guilty. I've said less than flattering things about people out of jealousy, frustration, or my own insecurities. Just because I could say those things, does not make it right or mean that I should have said those things. 

What I can't understand is this: when did we as women decided that we needed to be jealous of and threatened by other women? What happened to being eachothers biggest fans and advocates? 

In a society where women are treated as property and are glorified for our bodies instead of our brains, if we aren't cheering each other on, who do we think is going to? 

We would be hard pressed to find someone outside of our closest girlfriends who would be willing to sing our praises. The sad reality is, we are our own worst enemies. I would rather have one friend that will be honest and loyal, than thirty "friends" who will gossip behind my back and only tell me what I want to hear.

As I sat down to write this post, I thought that maybe I needed to do some research. So i picked up my phone and called several of my girlfriends and asked them for their opinion on this topic. The resounding answer was that they also feel like we are hurting each other more than helping. They also said that they have heard women being nasty toward one another, and not helping their girlfriends to grow in whatever season of life they were in.

Growing up; my mother would tell me " If you can't say something nice Samantha, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all." I didn't think that little pearl of wisdom from my mother meant anything significant until my late twenties. After a pretty significant events in my life, I found myself scrambleing to find girlfriends that were supportive, and would give me the advice that I was desperatly in need of. What i found instead, were women who were willing to give me the obligatory pat on the back and then they were not to be seen after that.

What transpired after changed my life. I can now say that the women I surround myself with are faithful, honest, loving, and genuine women. Each one of them has a past as nasty as the next, but the most important part, is that each of these women value their relationship enough, that none of them would be willing to say anything negative to another woman about another woman.

Ladies, there is a difference between gossiping and helping your sister to better herself. I encourage each lady that reads this post, to gather her girlfriends together, and lovingly address our habit of talking about eachother to one another in less than favorable words.

As women  living in a mans world, we owe it to ourselves and eachother to have nothing but kindness and love spoken about eachother. Be kind to eachother , love your girlfriends, and pray for them!

                                                                   Until next time,

Dear Entertainment Industry...

Dear Entertainment Industry .....

What makes our entertainment industry feel the need to use such vulgarity in their products?

The littles came home a month or two ago singing the chorus of a current American Billboard Top 40 song and I was appalled at the words that were innocently falling from Ninja Master P's lips. .

When I was a child, my dad listened to country music, and my mom listened to the oldies. Wow how times have changed. Country music has lost it's twang and somehow found a way to make slashing tires, and murdering husbands popular, while Adult Contemporary music has turned sex into something that needs no commitment and drugs have become the things you swap on a first date instead of phone numbers.

What happened to our core values?  When did we stop protecting our children's innocence and start pushing them into the filth that is pop culture? Be like this football player, act like that musician, look like this super model, talk like this rapper, dress like that famous person.

At home, and in my car, we listen to a local Christian radio station, and we love the cartoons on netflix. I've had to drop what i was doing a few different times to make the littles change what they were watching because Spongebob Squarepants and his friends were using the kind of language that I do not allow my littles to use. Little Miss M knows that it's not ok to call her friends stupid, and she also knows that the cartoons characters that she loves to watch also shouldn't use that word.  Ninja Master P knows that it's not ok to hit anyone, and he also knows that it's not ok for people in movies to hit anyone either.  We don't have cable television because let's be honest, the only channels that are safe for the children anymore are the Dicovery Channel and HGTV.

When we're teaching our children right from wrong, but we let them watch television shows, movies, play video games, or listen to music that tells them the opposite of what we're teaching them, how do we explain that to your child?

If i teach my children that God says Homosexuality is wrong, but then I turn around and agree to  let them watch the movie ParaNorman, that completely undermines the message I am teaching them. When Ninja Master P asks me to play a song called "Talk Dirty To Me" and I intern agree to play it, what message am i teaching him?

I completely understand that parenting is a 100% all hands on deck kind of thing, but what I do not understand is how parents can allow things that are detrimental to their children, into their homes, cars, and schools. I would be so upset if I found Little Miss M "tweaking" in the bathroom, or Ninja Master P dancing all up close and personal with a little girl he was friends with. I don't know many parents that would approve of such behavior, but I do know a lot of parents who absent mindedly allow their children to be entertained by "role models" who preform those acts.

Parents...... please pay attention for just a few more moments. We are all doing this thing together, all being subjected to the same movies, the same music, the same videos on you tube. What I'm suggesting is that we stop allowing the entertainment industry to entertain our children in ways that are harming their growth and disallowing them to be children. I am guilty of putting the littles to bed at 7:30 and then sitting down to watch a rated R movie, or pouring myself a glass of wine and soaking in the bathtub. I'm not the best role model that's absolutely certain, but I am better then a young woman dressed in nude undergarments, swinging on a wrecking ball while licking it, and showing my body off to an entire nation of children who look up to me!

We owe it to the next generations of children to set a standard of what is acceptable and what isn't. Sex only sells because we continue to buy it, Vulgar language in music only sells because we continue to buy it, Violence in Movies and video games sells because we continue to buy it. We have the ability to make innocence a priority for our children and families.

Purity, Honesty, Love, and Faith, Hope, Joy, Charity, ... what would the next generations of young men and women look like if we bought into the idea of those things? Who really cares about how big that diamond ring is that Beyonce got, or how fancy of a vacation Kenye West took Kim K on. I care about the integrity of my children and the people they are going to surround themselves with. I care about the message we are portraying even when we feel like they aren't listening.

I'm making a commitment to be intention in my parenting, and to hold captive the moments that I can teach the littles to go on the straight and narrow path.

If you have a suggestion comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time Y'all....

XOXO

If I Ran The World.....

IF I RAN THE WORLD:

Jesus Christ would be the leader of the world, and I would follow His instructions.

I would require the entertainment industry to clean up their act.

Terror would be something that was stood up against, and not something to be afraid of.

Everyone would have a pet, because let's face it.... who doesn't love animals?

I would require that every home have a Starbucks inside of it.

Racism would stop being the focus of our eyes and the roots of Love would grow in its place.

Cell Phones would be banned from our homes.

Children would be required to play outside and get dirty.

Women would be paid the same as men, and be given the same opportunities.

Violence of any kind would be severely punished.

Respect would be a universal language.
Marriage would be taken very seriously.
Divorce would only be allowed if all other avenues had been exhausted
Neighbors would get to know one another.
Police would be friends and not people to be feared.
Churches would be places of worship and rest.
Adoption wouldn't be as expensive.
Criminals would pay for their own stays in jail.
Violence against animals would come with a very severe punishment.
People would remember to use their manners.
Wednesdays would always be the best day of the week.
Everyone would love to play in the rain.
Naps would be required no matter how old you get.
The color of the flag would be Hot Pink, Navy Blue, and White polka dots ... because it's pretty.
Teachers would be in charge of their students, not the government and their regulations.
Schools would again be safe.
Chocolate for every meal.
Chili would be a thing of the past.
Parents would not be allowed to force their children to eat Brussels Sprouts.
Politics wouldn't be a game of who can raise the most money, but instead a race to fix issues.


Whew what a list ! Thank goodness I don't actually want to rule the world, but it sure was fun thinking of all of the changes I would try to implement. How about you,  comment below with changes that you would make if you ran the world!

                                                                 Until next time Y'all,
                                                                         
                                                                            xoxo

Does Anyone Else Have A Late Night Snack Stash .....

         Alright, let's get real for this particular post. I'm a night owl, and that means that when I am awake until three or four in the morning, I'm going to get hungry at some point during the late night hours. 

        

       I realize that most of you are probably asleep most of the night if not all of it, but I am not wired that way. I'm not a morning person, not even with a caffein jolt like the kind that comes in my venti, skinny, quad, no foam, carnel latte from Starbucks! I know what you're thinking... if I would just lighten up on the coffee then I would probably sleep better. WRONG, in fact I sleep worse if I stop drinking coffee too early during the day.

       

       What is your point Samantha? What I want to know is, do you have a snack stash? I don't mean the ones that go to work with you or into the kids backpacks for school. I mean something that is set aside, hidden from the rest of your house, just for you to enjoy? 

      I do, and right now it consists of  mostly junk food. I noticed lastnight while talking to a dear friend, that my late night snack stash has stopped being a stockpile of granola bars and trail mix, only now to consist of crackers and Hershey Milk Chocolate Bars. What in the world is going on here? I need some accountability..... Someone has got to do something about this! 

      I'll admit it, I have a sweet tooth! Give me chocolate or peanut butter anytime, and I'll have a hard time saying no. The majority of the time I'm a healthy eater. I don't eat a lot of sugar (Starbucks is technically drinking, so that sugar doesn't count ok!!!), I eat lean meats, I don't like the taste of salt so I very rarely cook with it let alone eat it,  I even use an organic oil to cook with!

     What am I going to do about this snacking issue? I need your help!

     I'm open to suggestions! Feel free to leave comments about your snack stashes, favorite recipes for snacks, or better ideas for my stash! I look forward to hearing from you! 

                                                                       Until next time, 

When Bridges and Hearts Collide .....

One of my girlfriends and I headed south on I-55 on Friday and didn't look back. We traveled through Missouri, Arkansas, Tennessee, Mississippi and Louisiana in about 10 hours.

I imagined Louisiana to be the swamp capitol of the world, but much to my surprise that wasn't the case at all. Don't get me wrong.. there was swamp, but we didn't make it far enough into the southern edges of the state to experience that. 

Our first task at hand.... Find a Starbucks with the "You are Here" mugs. While searching for the closest Starbucks store, we stumbled upon a bit of courage, and decided that we would throw caution to the wind and drive over Lake Pontchartrain. 

Just a few quick facts about Lake Pontchartrain:

• The 23-Mile Lake Pontchartrain Causeway in Louisiana is the longest continuous over water bridge in the world.
• The causeway is the worlds lowest bridge, at only 15 feet above the water.
• Some pockets of holes in the lake are over 80 feet deep.
• Each year over 8 Million vehicles travel over the causeway.
• Daily vehicle count over the causeway is now above 40,000.
• The causeway was built in 14 months and completed in 19 months.
• The bridges have been struck by marine vessels only 16 times since it's opening on August 30, 1956.
• Total cost for land acquisition and building of the causeway and twin bridges was $81 Million Dollars.

Pretty impressive right? 

I have always been absolutely terrified of bridges. My mother told me the story of my great-grandmother's car being the last one off of a bridge in Ohio before it collapsed. My great-grandmother was alright, and there were not any other cars passing over that bridge at the time of collapse. After the details in that story ... I have always been afraid of bridges. 

I'm not sure what i was expecting when we decided to drive over that bridge, but what was about the happen was not what I had anticipated. We paid the toll of $3.00 and drove onto the northern portion of the North Shore bridge access. Water, water, and more water is what I saw. Land was no longer visible after about 3 miles and not again until about 5 miles from the Southern Shore where the skyline of the New Orleans Business District was the size of something found in a snow globe.

My first instinct was to panic once I could no longer see land. God is bigger than my fear was the chant of my heart for the first few miles. The car felt like a roller coaster because of the waves that I felt due to the tires being in contact with the part of road where the support columns held the bridge in it's place beneath the surface. 

After about 5 minutes on the bridge, I decided to really look out and see where I was. I was in the middle of the lake... no land anywhere in sight, no way of getting off the bridge, nothing to save me from my worst fear. 

I took several deep calming breaths, grabbed my iphone and started taking pictures. My heart rate slowed down, the feeling of nausea no longer, tears were gone from my eyes, and I was falling in love with my surroundings. I was actually enjoying myself! Wow....

I rolled down my window, turned the music off, and listened to the sound of the tires as they rolled over the concrete bridge "clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop". I closed my eyes, and inhaled the faint aroma of salt mixed with the invigorating warm gulf coast air. The sky was engulfed by greyish-white clouds, the dirty brown water was choppy due to being beaten by a brisk wind and I couldn't take my eyes off of the body of water directly in my gaze. 

My fear was no longer the focus of my mind, and in it's place was found the longing for this particular journey to not end anytime soon. 25 Minutes was all the time it took to cross from one side of Lake Pontchartrain to the other, and inside of that time I learned a thing or two about myself.  I learned that I really ought to stop fearing things that sound scary based on points of view that aren't my own. I also realized that my fear of being out of control, has hindered me very severely throughout my life and that it's time for me to change that way of thinking.

As the weekend ended and we began the lengthy drive home on Sunday, my friend and I made one last drive over that beautiful body of water, this time not being fearful of the unknown, and enjoying the 25 last minutes we had in the company of such a magnificent adventure in New Orleans!

Submit .... What A Word!

    The words SUBMIT and SUBMISSION have been stirring in my heart for the last month. Questions kept rising to the surface of my mind that I didn't have the answers to and quite frankly, I wasn't really interested in seeking out the answers for fear of not liking what I would find.

I have always said that I would never submit to the authority of anyone, that I would never give dominion of my life over to anyone else.  I looked at the word as a nasty, controlling, hateful part of my society. Doormat, defiled, forceful, unkind, loveless, superior, fearful, harsh, cruel, untrustworthy, authoritative, dominated, subject, were all words that came to my mind when I heard someone say submit or submission.

Growing up, I fought the authority of my parents, siblings, teachers, and anyone else who thought that I should obey them. My mom has always told me that from the age of 4, she knew that I would be a stubborn, strong willed, defiant child. My poor mother didn't really know how stubborn of a child I was going to be.

Instead of embracing submission, I skipped school, lied about everything from the color of my tee shirt to the places I went, I befriended people who would only bring about harm and pain, I hid in my bedroom ignoring my family, I entered into relationships that were dangerous and would shape the way i treated myself and others for years to come. If I were to have looked up the definition of  "defiance", my picture surely would have been found there. 

It wasn't until a few years ago, that I started to look at myself through the eyes of Jesus. As it turns out, I don't have to be afraid of my own shadow or the darkness in my past.  I remember reading a passage in the book of Ephesians  that changed how I felt about that word Submit.

• Ephesians 5:21  "submit to one another in reverence for Christ"

I learned that to submit, means to trust,  and to commit myself to the authority of God and others in my life. It does not mean to be dominated, pushed around, or forcefully made to do something that I am not comfortable with.

If  I call myself a Christ follower, but do not submit myself to the rules and guidelines that have been given to me, then what good comes from identifying myself as His child? I'm sure that confusion would be what people saw in me instead of the love of Christ.

Inside of relationships, submission might look a lot like trust, patience, respect, gratitude or appreciation . Most importantly, submission is about pursuing God's will  over my life and in my relationships. Is there anything better than knowing that your partner, parent, coworker, sibling, small group leader, or friend is taking the time to guard your heart by having your best interest in mind? 

I've noticed in my own life, that when I give over control and align my will with God's will, submission isn't scary at all, in fact it's freeing. I don't have to be the leader, because God is. I don't have to be the decision maker on all things, because God is. I have a higher authority, I can be assured that God will always have my best interest in his well laid plans for me. God will not hurt me, nor will His plans for me. God will never lead me down a path that leads to destruction or shallow loss.  In His word  God specifically tells me that he does not plan to harm me.   Jeremiah 29:11  "For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" I can trust his will and submit not only because of His word, but also because I love Him and want to be blessed by His good nature and love.

I'm thankful that my fears have been relieved, and that I finally have a good example of what submission truly looks like and is meant to be. I'm no longer fearful of what is to come in my relationships, but hopeful for the future that my God and creator has ordained for me.

sub.mit
verb

1.Accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority of will of another person.

sub.mis.sion
noun

             1.The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Who Doesn't Like Snow Anyway ......

                          

Honestly if someone had asked me a year ago how I felt about snow, I would have made a frowny face then went to pout in the corner... Ok maybe I wouldn't have gone to the corner, but you get the point!

Mother Winter dumped about two inches of ice and another foot of snow on top of us on Thursday & Friday. Somewhere between the forecast and the actuality of it falling, I found myself excited about the incoming white fluffy stuff.

I'm not a fan of the cold, and I really detest getting my clothes wet, so I didn't go outside for very long to enjoy the snow, but I did spend the day with people I care deeply about, enjoying the beauty that God was allowing me to be a part of.  I was even blessed enough to go spend time with my mama and bake cut out sugar cookie! 

I took the cat and dog outside into the winter wonderland to see how they would react, and just as I expected... they both made a frowny face and went to pout in the corner.

Below are a few pictures that I snapped throughout the day. Enjoy :)

Part Of My History ....

Dear Personal History,

It's 4:47 on Wednesday morning, and you linger in the depths of my heart. Sometimes when it's quiet, all the lights are turned out, and I'm all alone with my thoughts, I think about you and the pain that I have endured at your hand. Tonight the question on my mind is, "What if you had never existed in my life" ?

I would have never learned to forgive pain that is unforgivable. You gave me the opportunity to see Jesus as the healer that He is. Because of you and the chaos that you caused, I have experienced complete healing of all of the pain in my life in the forgiveness and sanctification of Jesus Christ.

I would have never learned how strong I really am. Sure I didn't get out of bed for five days, and it's true that my roommate had to bring water and food to my bedside, but I didn't shrivel up and die like you thought that I would. Because of you, I have seen the strength that comes from being inside the fire.

I would have never learned who I could really trust. I know that you thought that you were good and incapable of being the injuring party. I blindly trusted you, even when I knew that I shouldn't. Because of you, I have learned that it really is ok to trust people, but that I shouldn't be so willing to ignore the red flags.

I would have never learned how to love that deeply and completely. We both know that loving another someone more than myself is a difficult thing to do.  You gave me the opportunity to see love in action, and love that failed. No matter how many times you tried to convince me that I wasn't capable of love or being loved, somehow I kept taking the chance. Well it looks like as of yet I've not been able to recuperate from that one epic fail, but, eventually I will and my Prince Charming will sweep me off of my feet and carry me off into Happily Ever After. Because of you, I know how to love someone for who they are and not who they will become.

I would have never felt the pain of a searing loss. Yes death happens to all of us, yes friendships end, and yes relationships come to a screeching halt. In my life this far, both my grandfather and my daddy have been yanked out of my life to quickly and so very unexpectedly. Because of you, I have learned to cherish every moment I am blessed to be given with the people that I love, because tomorrow is not promised.

I would have never learned who I really am. Growing up you told me that I was fat, ugly, stupid, useless, dumb, trash, unwanted, unworthy, and unlovable. My heart was hardened by the calluses that grew thicker as the years passed by. As it turns out, you don't get to define me, that right was never yours in the first place. You were full of lies and just wanted me to hate myself. You succeeded for a while, but you weren't counting on me meeting Jesus. Because of you, I've learned that i'm not anything that you said I was. I am a Princess, beautiful, intelligent, one of a kind, loved, the apple of my Lord's eye, royalty, complete, an ambassador for Christ, salt of the earth, first fruits of His creation, a masterpiece, fearfully and wonderfully made, I am a child of the one and only God in Heaven who is alive and making me more beautiful everyday.

Thank you for for being my very own history full or brokenness, pain, love, suffering, loss , for showing me that I am flawed but still valuable, and most importantly,for teaching me to look to God for my worth and value. Because of you, I have hope in Jesus Christ that one day I will be called back into the arms of my father where my perfection will be complete and you will never be able to hurt me ever again.