Life Interrupted by Mr.McDallas ....

I'll be honest, when Mr. McDallas said he wanted to come visit on his next set of consecutive days off, I honestly didn't think he would show up. In my mind he was taking his southern charm and delicious accent to a whole new level and just telling me whatever he needed to keep my attention. I mean who was I that he should make that kind of time for me?

Much to my surprise, he drove more than nine hours from Texas for a four day visit here in the Show-Me-State. I need to just go ahead and be honest... the idea of him coming here excited me in a brand new to me kind of way. I'm the girl that never brought boyfriends home to meet my family not because I was embarrassed, but because I have purposely kept my emotional and physical worlds completely separate of each other. I've always protected my actual life, from the idea of emotional entanglements beyond my control.

This was different... I couldn't wait for him to pull up outside my house, get out the car and wrap me in his arms. I needed to touch him, to be able to pair my heart to the reality of the man who was turning my world upside down. I had a countdown on my iPhone for crying out loud.

Finally it was right in front of me... the moment I was waiting for... he was standing right in front of me in a Texas Rangers jersey, smile on his face and it hit me... I wasn't apprehensive at all. I should have been nervous, leery, or at the very least cautious. I got the biggest hug of my life, and before i could register what was happening, I found myself inhaling the scent of this man. I had to pry myself away from him after a few minutes, because neither of us wanted to let go. That was definitely new, I normally can't wait to get away from people who are in my personal bubble. This time was different, I felt safe instantly. After what must have been only a few minutes, I grabbed Mr.McDallas by the hand, and pulled him behind me into the house where my people were waiting to meet him.

It never occurred to me that I should keep him separate from my life. I immediately wanted to introduce him to everyone that I could. What this man had done to my heart so quickly was not going unnoticed, but for whatever reason, I didn't feel the need to reinforce walls that I had built around my heart.

Honestly what freaked me out the most, was how serious I was getting about him so quickly.  He wasn't asking me to change my life for him, or to make huge accommodations for his visit. Mr.McDallas wanted to see me in my element, visit the bar that P and I visit to unwind, see my town, check out the places that make me who I am... totally normal requests.

We went downtown for an hour or so and I gave him a glimpse of my favorite hometown bar. I introduced him to the owner, bought him a couple of beers, and could barely take my eyes off of him. The way he looked at me that very first night was disarming. His eyes were curious, and full of warmth. Our conversation was easy and naturally flowing from one topic to the next. The moment came when his hand found the small of my back, my body froze as chills ran from the top of my head down my body and out the ends of my toes. I reacted to his touch the way a girl falling in love for the first time should. Mr.McDallas relaxed me in a way that I hadn't encountered in a very long time. I was comfortable with him, not just talking to him or being near him, but comfortable enough to lay all of my self conscience, natural defenses down at his feet without him even asking me to do so. In that moment, I wanted to be exactly who I needed to be to have this man in my life beyond just this one night.

The next day came, and Mr.McDallas wanted to see St.Louis. He drove, and I navigated through the maze of  I-55, I-270, I-64, and I-44 to get us to the different locations we would visit. I took him to a boutique in one of the malls and treated him to a professional shave by a man who knew his way around a straight razor. Let me just say... HOT HOT HOT! I still say that there is just nothing sexier than watching a man shave... don't judge.. it's just the way it is ok! We had lunch at one of my favorite trendy spots in the area of Washington University and then we made our way downtown.

Since it was his first time in St.Louis, naturally Mr.McDallas wanted to see the Arch. Not only did he was to see it, but he wanted to go to the top in the elevator eggs that should scare even the most brave of men. We parked in a garage, and made our way to the ticket office inside the Federal Courthouse (Dred Scott Trial Courthouse) where he purchased two tickets to the Top of the Arch Experience. There was no backing out now, my nerves kicked in, and without missing a beat the man laced his fingers with mine and pulled me into him. Can we just go ahead and deal with the fact that he saw my distress and didn't even hesitate! HELLO HOLLYWOOD.... THIS IS A REAL MAN! We made it to the top of the Arch after a bit and I'm being 100% honest here when I say that even though I was scared to death, I was able to relax because Mr.McDallas made me feel safe in the middle of my fear. We spent maybe thirty minutes looking down at the downtown St.Louis skyline and the Mississippi River hugging the Illinois/Missouri border. The entire time he was by my side, whether knowingly or not, he comforted the anxiety brewing in my chest. On the way back down to the bottom, I remember just watching him very intently and being completely intoxicated by this beautiful man in front of me. On our two hour drive home, I found myself drinking in the details of the day and wishing for something more to come of this visit.

Over the next 2 days, we went for  a walk along the banks of the Mississippi River, lounged around my house, grilled the most magical of burgers, had a few beers at the local County Fair, and explored a little bit of my town.

On Saturday morning, we both were slow to rise from the nights activities. He wanted to be on the road headed back to Texas by early afternoon, but I couldn't bear to think of Mr.McDallas not being near me. When we finally emerged from our cocoon, we decided that we should find a little mom and pop cafe for brunch before he had to leave. My little college town is only a half an hour from the Illinois/Kentucky State line, and is just across the river from Illinois and since he hadn't been to either neighboring state, we decided to go on a little road trip to find our lunch. We made our way across the Mississippi river into Illinois, and then across the Ohio river crossing into Kentucky. The drive was slow, almost as if time were slowing down and stretching the minutes and seconds so that we wouldn't feel the impending heartache as strongly. We stopped in Kentucky to take in the spot where the Mississippi and the Ohio rivers converge and before I knew it, Mr.McDallas had his arms around my waist and my heart was again overwhelmed with appreciation and love for my man. My heart was so full and all because Mr.McDallas took the time and made the effort to show me exactly how much I meant to him. There are times when his expressions told me everything I needed to know, and there standing on that wooden overlook, in the middle of nowhere Kentucky, the look on his face was an earnest and unshakable gaze of love. We stood there in our little bubble for a few minutes before making our way back to the car and then heading back to my little tiny town.

We stopped at a local restaurant and took our time while ordering.  I soaked up every second I had left with the man sitting across from me. How had I gotten so lucky? I mean this kind of thing doesn't happen to me. I watched as Mr.McDallas ate his food, and i took a mental inventory of every ripple on his bald head, every dimple when he smiled, the curvature of his eyes when he noticed me staring at him. Every single word that rolled off his tongue was precious to me and each break in the sound of his voice was taken into my memory as if it was the last time I would hear his voice. After what must have been an hour, we wrapped up our lunch and made our way back to my house.

I took a deep breath and made a choice to hold myself together. I walked Mr.McDallas into my house to grab his things and with each step I had to fight the tears that i had been holding back all morning telling myself this thing between the two of us was real and worth risking my heart for. He stopped half way down the hall , grabbed my by the hip, and pulled me against his chest for a kiss. This wasn't a run of the mill see you when I see you kiss... it was a please don't forget about me, if you run I'll catch you, it's killing me to leave you kind of kiss. I closed my eyes, leaned into the most delicious kiss of my life and lost all hope of withholding even the slightest pieces of emotions for any longer.

The sweetest man I've ever known was once again standing in front of me only this time, he was leaving. My heart felt like it might break into a million pieces as I watched him drive away. I stood in my driveway yearning for him to turn around and come back for me. Every car on the roads surrounding my house made my heart race in hopeful anticipation that he had changed his mind and was coming back to me. I felt like if I just stayed outside watching for just a little while longer that I could will him back to me, but he never did turn around.

I wish that I could say that after having the most wonderful 4 days with Mr.McDallas that I was graceful about him having to leave, not knowing when I would see him again, but the truth is I turned into a giant pile of mush. I put his hockey jersey on , crawled into my bed wrapped in the blanket that smelled like him, and cried until my eyes were red and puffy. For the first time in a very long time I found myself vulnerable at the hands of another person.

The questions rolled in one after another:

Was he what i needed him to be: Yes
Were we able to connect in person: Yes
Could I be myself with him: Yes
Was he easy to talk to: Yes
Did he make me nervous: No
Did my friends like him: Yes
Was I ever uncomfortable: No
Were there red flags: No
Would I be willing to see him again:Yes
Was he a good man: Yes
Did he make me feel safe: Yes
Could I trust him: Yes
Overall was I happy: Yes
Could I see a future: Yes
Did I really love him: YES
Was he worth investing in even if it would hurt: YES

The more I worked it out with myself, the more I started to understand that he really was the man I wanted in my life. Mr.McDallas had knocked down walls that I had built for keeping my heart safe and the most surprising part, I didn't want to rebuild them. I knew in that moment, sitting next to him in my favorite bar when he put his hand on the small of my back that this man was going to give me a run for my money. I could feel the sincerity in the way he touched me and even though it terrified me, i didn't want him to ever let me go. My body reacted to him without any kind of resistance, my heart felt like it had finally been set free, and the pieces of my broken life were being handed back to me gently and healed completely by my sweet man. This man, this incredibly beautiful man was exactly what I had been searching for and was worth every single gut wrenching heartbreak I had to endure to get me to the place where I would be a single woman who needed to be loved by a man who has the magical qualities of a unicorn, understands what it means to be loved by a wildling woman, and has a serious man crush on Tom Brady.

I love Mr. McDallas and that my friends is all you need to know for now.