You know those days that just seem to never end once the news comes that changes everything?
Yeah.. me too...
It was a cold Missouri evening in March of 2016 when my phone rang. The caller was my OBGYN calling to tell me that the pathology report had come back on the mass that she had found in my uterus... it was exactly what she thought it was... Cancer. Awesome...
I sat down on the couch next to my mom and just stared off into the empty house while words and phrases like " it's ok, we're going to beat this." came from between her thin lips. I remember taking a deep breath and silently talking myself out of the impending panic attack. Cancer... my worst fear in life was coming true and I was so very unprepared.
I spent the next two weeks in and out of doctor appointments. I never in my life imagined myself asking for referrals for a Gynecological Oncologist. I had just turned 34 and gotten engaged to the love of my life and now I was facing this monster inside of my body.
When I finally got in to see the Oncologist I felt like one of those actresses in the scenes where everything is moving in slow motion. I had so many questions and this Doctor held all of the answers to my future. I paid close attention, and answered his questions as honestly as possible. In only a few moments It was decided that I would be going into surgery in 72 hours to have a total hysterectomy and lymphectomy. I left the office feeling resolved... i was going to kick cancer's booty and stay calm while waiting over the weekend.
WRONG!
My mom and I were sitting on the couch the evening before surgery when it hit me that she wasn't handling this as well as I thought she had been. I found myself hugging her tight and reassuring her that I was going to be fine and that not being able to have children of my own was in fact not the worst news i've ever received.
The morning of surgery rolled around, Mom and I checked in , we waited a while.. and then... they called my name. Samantha...... I was up.... I was nervous... scared even! I had never been under sedation for the length of time I was told the procedure would take. My best friend P came in around this point (It's been a while ok ..... my memory is a bit fuzzy). P always brings her A-game! She's fnny, self deprecating, and she love the crap out of me! I needed her to be there and she was! The nice nurse came in, checked my bracelet ... took my vitals... and then came the anti-anxiety meds.... I felt warm and OK for the first time in a few weeks. The Dr came in to make sure I was doing ok and then I was ready.
My sweet mama kissed my forehead and told me that she would be waiting for me when I got out of surgery. That little kiss and simple statement was all the reassurance I needed to settle down and get through the next little while.
The team wheeled me into a cold surgery room with bright lights. They were talking about how surprised they were that the Dr had me scheduled so early in the morning and that he hadn't reported into the surgery prep room yet. I just really remember looking around and wishing I could have a blanket to warmth. One of the nurses verified my name and birth date, and then came the sleepy
meds..... 5....4....3....2................................................
I woke up in the recovery room cold, and wanting water. It's normal they said to be thirsty and have a scratchy throat after they take the breathing tube out. After about an hour, I was wheeled up to my room, moved to my bed for the next 48 hours, and safe with my mama and best friend by my side!
I have to be honest.... the worst part... was the 8 weeks after surgery. Sure the pain wasn't awesome... but what really got me, was not being able to walk up and down the stairs, not being able to lift things for myself, and not being able to throw the football around with my nephews. Being dependent on people to take care of me was HARD! Having actual limitations was HARD! Letting people love me was HARD!!!
The good news is.... I'm CANCER FREE!
The oddball news is.. i don't feel like a Cancer survivor. I didn't have radiation, or Chemo Therapy like a lot of Cancer survivors do. I didn't lose my hair or spend hours vomiting from the horrible medicine. I just had a little spot on my Uterus that needed to be removed (along with everything else). I know... I know.. Cancer is cancer is cancer... but really....... It just doesn't seem real to me. It's almost as if it was just another day in the life of Sami ..... nothing special or out of the ordinary (except for the whole surgery thing). Totally normal right???? I guess time will tell.
My journey is not everyone's journey... but I'm thankful to have gone through it and to have found the strength in myself, the love of my true friends, the support of my family, and to be reminded every single step of the way.. that God loves me and is so willing to comfort me in the midst of life's storms.
American Institute For Cancer Research
Mayo Clinic
National Cancer Institute
No comments:
Post a Comment
Hey there, It's great to hear from you. Thanks for stopping by and for leaving a message for me.