Heartbreak Warfare ....

Why do I have to be the one that you torment with your blissful amount of happiness?

I’m happy for you, really I am. I’m glad that you’ve moved on, that you’ve found someone who you are enjoying the heck out of. I’m glad that she gives you everything you need to be fulfilled and happy, but why do you feel the need to drag me through the emotional torture over and over again?

I remember that night like it was yesterday, and you may not have been devastated, but I was. I still cry, i still remember how your hand felt on my neck that night. I still remember leaving and crying the whole drive home. 

I need you to leave me alone so that I can heal, so that I can find the kind of happiness that you told me I deserve. I need you to just go away and not remember me anymore. 

I remember telling you once, that no matter what it was that you did, that i would always forgive you, that I would always love you, that I would always believe the best in you. It turns out I was wrong.

I forgive you for devastating my heart, for not being the person I thought you were, for not standing behind everything you ever told me, and for not loving me the way you promised you would. I forgive you.

I do not still love you. I do not love the person that you showed me you are, I do not love the heart that so coldly beats in your chest. I do not love anything about you anymore. I love what I thought you stood for. I love the honor I thought you brought into my life, I love the safety that you represented, I love the calm that should have come instead of the storm that you brought into my life. I do not love you.

I do not still believe the best in you. I believe that you hurt people because it gives you power over your own pain, I believe you set your feet upon the earth only to wreck lives. I believe you are the last person to ever treat me like some piece of trash that can so easily be broken and then thrown away. I’ll never let anyone hurt me like that ever again. 

I’m getting on with my life, i’m going to be alright without you, i’m going to find myself and be happy without you. I’m going to get over you, and one day i’ll look back in my rear view mirror and there you’ll be, a distant flash of pain that was quenched with a good cry and loving myself through it.