Have you ever gotten a piece of news that made time stop and the Earth start to spin in the opposite direction? News that halted all of your current plans and altered your reality? Yeah.. me too... only this time it's me... i'm the bad news.
Endometrial Cancer are the words that shook me... Talk about playing the ace in your hand right?
For the last few months, I've been in and out of doctor's offices looking for answers to why my body has been so weak and leaving me tired all of the time. Well now I know and it's surely the scariest trial in my life thus far for sure.
I purposely stayed away from google, Facebook conversations, Instagram posts, and talking to anyone that I didn't absolutely have to talk to. I needed to start to digest what this meant for me, for my family, and for my relationship with Mr.McDallas. There really is nothing like a cancer diagnosis to make a girl wish she could seize time and only allow it to crawl along slowly taking in every single detail of the day holding it captive.
Between doctors appointments, exams, procedures, and breathing I began to panic. What if this was THE DEAL-BREAKER!!!???!!! My mind went where it always has... I offered Mr.McDallas a door, I practically pushed him to the exit and said I would understand if he wanted to exit before anything got any worse. I mean... Who was I to ask him to hold my hand through Cancer? WRONG... this man of mine bolted the door shut and took my hand promising to see me through whatever came around the corner no matter how nasty or bad it might be.
Two long weeks after the diagnosis, my OBGYN sent me to see a Gynecological Oncologist. I don't know a lot about physician titles, but I do know that when you are sent to see a specific kind of Oncologist, the situation is either very bad, or it's something tricky enough that only a specialty doc would be able to handle the task ahead.
I met with he Oncologist on a Friday morning in April, and he was wonderful. He listened to me, answered all of my questions, and relieved my mind of all the awful images I had built up for myself and what was to come. I sat with him for about forty-five minutes (which felt like five minutes) and left his office with a plan of action and a surgery date that was only 4 days away.
My weekend was full of planning for the recovery period, making sure laundry was done, changing the cats litter box, cleaning my bedroom, and trying to convince myself that being under anesthesia for up to two hours really wasn't that big of a deal. The longest I had ever been under for a surgery was thirty minutes and that was just four months prior in December.
I've mentioned a few times over the years that I suffer from anxiety, and this situation was giving my anxiety more room to run into the deepest and darkest places in my mind. All of the unknown details were the scariest because I needed to prepare, I needed control so that I would feel safe and not curl into myself. What if the Cancer was further along than they thought it was, what if my Lymph-nodes had been invaded, what if I would have to have Chemotherapy and Radiation? These questions taunted and tormented me all weekend.
Finally Monday came and I checked into the hospital bright and early. When the buzzer went off, the nurses came to get my family and I just to lead us down two separate halls. Theirs lead to the surgical waiting room, and mine lead to the surgical prep room. After about thirty minutes, my mom and uncle came into my room and waited with me until the meds kicked in and the surgical team came to take me into surgery.
Turns out I was worried about the worst for nothing. The Oncologist preformed a total hysterectomy removing my Uterus, Ovaries, Lymph-nodes, all of the Cancer and there would be no more treatments needed. Just six weeks of recovery and I would be on my way to healthy again. It wasn't easy, and let me just say... that becoming one with the couch is a very real thing!
I'm writing this because I needed to be transparent, and to work some things out for myself. Cancer is SCARY, but through this fiery trial I learned four very important lessons.
1. My man LOVES me beyond anything i'll ever be able to comprehend.
2. It's ok to be afraid as long as I don't shut out the people that love me.
3. I have the most AMAZING family that there ever way.
4. My faith in God and His love for me, pulled me through the most terrifying days of my life.
Until next time,
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