Lucky...

When I was a little girl I had this bright yellow ballerina Halloween costume that I would put on when I was sad. As soon as my father saw me in that outfit, he would turn on the music and twirl me all over the living room until I was so full of laughter I could barely breathe.

I find it sad that those moments in life are so very few and far between as we grow up and make lives for ourselves. If I knew then, what I knew now I would have held tighter to my dad, hugged my grandparents more often, sat in my uncle’s lap longer and just enjoyed being a child.

As a child I worried about the next fight my parents would have, instead of the next outfit to buy my Barbie doll. I walked in the field below our house worrying how angry my dad would be when he came home, instead of chasing fireflies. It’s often said that children are resilient and they become who they will be despite their parents worst attributes, but how often are things said without actually taking a look at the big picture?

Today I miss twirling to find joy, I miss my grandfather paying me a dollar for a few moments of stillness, today I miss being a child with someone strong enough to carry my burden.